Уроки английского

[anna23 0]

hope she was insured?

[allyouneed 1]

...fucked up like your car?

[Lucka 0]

Собственно фотка из блога одной "дамы", уличившей мужа в измене...

Статья на русском

Блог на английском

[allyouneed 1]

The Italian Who Went to Ostend

(Must be read with Italian accent)

 

One day ima gonna Ostend to bigga hotel.

Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast.

I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast.

She brings me only one piss.

I tella her I want two piss.

She says go to the toilet.

I say you not understand, I wanna piss onna my plate.

She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch.

I don't even know the lady and she call ma sonna ma bitch.

 

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant.

The waitress bring me a spoon and the knife but no fock.

I tella her I wanna fock.

She tell me everyone wanna fock.

I tella her you no understand.

I wanna fock on the table.

She say you better no fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.

 

So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed.

I call the manager and tell him I wanna shit.

He tell me to go to toilet.

I say I wanna shit on my bed.

He say you better no shit on the bed, you sonna ma bitch.

 

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "peace on you".

I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch,

I gonna back to Italy.

[zoom 0]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

 

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

 

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

 

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

 

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

 

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!

[Dim 0]

Fortissimo!

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