Переводы

[Matik 0]

Перевод Оллъюнида напомнил о проблеме, вставшей перед мной некоторое время назад. Как объяснить англоязычному человеку, что популярного в России в плане музыки, и что это такое. При моём уровне медведонаступленности для меня основное - слова, прочее лишь оболочка. Гейне (кажется) сказал, что перевод бывает или красивым, или верным, но не тем и другим одновременно (и провёл параллель с семейной жизнью). Переводы песен, отчасти вопреки аналогии, обычно и некрасивы и неверны.

 

В итоге я выбрал [в основном нашёл в интернете] 10 переводов (привожу в случайном порядке). Если у кого есть удачные находки в этой области - поделитесь, please. Такие вещи редко встречаются.

 

1. Ария "Что вы сделали с вашей мечтой?"

You have been walking in darkness too long
And you mixed up the day and the night.
You couldn't witness the doings of wrong
So you gave up your own eysight.
You are not sinful, you are just blind,
And the millions around are the same.
Jesus would be once again crucified
If he saw what is going today.

 

Hey! Just tell: why do you live in the hell?
Where did the paradise go they gave a promise to grow?

 

Pulled by the stormwind, the blinders fell off,
Whipping light woke you up from asleep.
It turned out a maniac was playing the Lord,
While the people obeyed him like sheep.
Everything changed in the eye of enlightment,
A tiger evolved from a lamb.
You are not sinful, you used to be blind,
And the millions around are the same.

 

Looking back to find twilight fill the sky,
Streaks of red and black turning it grim.
Chasm ends the way, with a lie it's paved.
What the hell have you done to your dream?

 

2. Аквариум "Поезд в огне"

Colonel Vasin has come to the frontline and brought his young wife along
Colonel Vasin has rallied his corps and told them: Let's go home.
We fought this war for seventy years, we were taught that life is a fight
But the intelligence has just reported: we fought ourselves all this time.

 

And I have seen generals, they drink and eat our death
Their children are going crazy
Cause there's nothing left that they don't have
And our land lies in rust, our churches are burnt.
If we want to have a home to return to
Now is the time to return.

 

Our train is on fire, there are no buttons to push
Our train is on fire, there is no place to run to
Long ago this land was ours before we got trapped in this war
And it will die if it is nobody's
It's time for it to be returned.

 

And the torches are burning around us
It's the rallying of all perished troops
And people who shot our fathers are now making plans for our youths.
We were born by the sound of marches, we were threatened by jail
I say it's about time we stopped crawling.
We have returned to our land.

 

3. Земфира "П.М.М.Л."

Sea embraces us, puts into sands.
When some fishermen set their nets
They'll probably catch our souls.
Please forgive me, my love.

 

It's too late, our hopes are in vain.
I feel that you're struggling for air.
It's such a large puddle we're in.
Please forgive me, my love.

 

Jeans got soaked and stuck to our legs.
It seems that we are stuck for good.
It seems that the sun has burned out.
Please forgive me, my love.

 

It is quiet, there's no one around.
All is left is to stop our hearts.
You are covered in sand like in bronze.
Please forgive me, my love.

 

4. Высоцкий "Я не люблю".

How I detest the fatal final curtain! 
I never find life dull or wearying.
I've got no time for any time or season 
When I don't have a cheerful song to sing.

 

I've got no time for cynicism cold, nor 
Can I be fooled by hankerings for the Grail.
I hate when people peer over my shoulder 
And crane their necks to try to read my mail.

 

I can't stand those whose actions are half-hearted,
Or who interrupt a cordial exchange;
Or shoot you in the back, an easy target, 
Or pull a gun on you at point-blank range.

 

I can't stand idle talk in any vein, 
The worms of doubt, the needles of false praise,
Or things that are meant to go against the grain
And grate your nerves like metal scraped on glass.

 

I don't like self-assured complacency. 
You're better off being hanged and letting rip.
I don't like those who forget all decency 
And give an eager ear to slanderous gossip

 

I don't feel sympathy for damaged limbs 
Or broken wings - lame ducks I can't abide.
I don't like bullies or acquiescent victims 
Yet pity moves me for Christ crucified.

 

I hate it when I've played the coward's part. 
I hate to see the guiltless victimized.
I hate when people pry into my heart, 
The more so when it's spat on and despised.

 

I can't abide the stadium or ring 
Where all is vilely cheapened and defied.
Whatever alterations time may bring 
To these I know I won't be reconciled.

 

5. Свинцовый Туман "О, Если..."

If sometimes in the haunts of men
Thine image from my breast may fade,
The lonely hour presents again
The semblance of thy gentle shade:
And now that sad and silent hour
Thus much of thee can still restore,
And sorrow unobserved may pour
The plaint she dare not speak before.
 
Oh, pardon that in crowds awhile
I waste one thought I owe to thee,
And self-condemn'd, appear to smile,
Unfaithful to thy memory;
Nor deem that memory less dear,
That then I seem not to repine;
I would not fools should overhear
One sigh that should be wholly thine.
 
If not the goblet pass unquaff'd,
It is not drain'd to banish care;
The cup must hold a deadlier draught,
That brings a Lethe for despair.
And could Oblivion set my soul
From all her troubled vision free,
I'd dash to earth the sweetest bowl
That drown'd a single thought of thee.
 
For wert thou vanish'd from my mind.
Where could my vacant bosom turn?
And who would then remain behind
To honour thine abandon'd Urn?
No, No --- it is my sorrow's pride
That last dear duty to fulfil:
Though all the world forget beside,
'Tis meeting that I remember still.
 
For well I know, that such had been
Thy gentle care for him, who now
Unmourn'd shall quit this mortal scene,
Where none regarded him, but thou:
And, oh! I feel in that  was given
A blessing never meant for me;
Thou wert too like a dream of Heaven
For earthly Love to merit thee.

 

6. ЧайФ "Аргентина-Ямайка 5:0"

Today the sun is obscured by clouds,
And pain is coming through in waves
I saw how the hopes of Jamaica were dying,
My soul is crying.

 

So tell me, why are you beating my drums? 
Why are you dancing to the rhythm of my drums?
Why are you singing my song?
I've suffered too long.

 

What a heartbreak to watch the fall of our heroes!
Argentina beat Jamaica by a score 5 to 0.

 

There's a deep blue sky over our heads
It's covered with slowly floating white clouds
I've seen more than enough of blue and whites
I have to close my eyes.

 

I close my eyes and see Jamaican forests,
I can see its beaches with my eyes closed,
I can see Jamaica's beautiful women,
Their grief is unyielding.

 

But our women forgive us our weakness,
They even forgive us our tears,
They forgive all the world for feeling so good,
They forgive Argentina for good.

 

So come on and dance to the rhythm of my drums
When I am singing, you'll sing along.
Because we have weeds that take sadness away
And we have reggae to play.

 

7. Машина Времени "Пока горит свеча".

Sometimes my life seemed needless and abusive
I felt like I was parted from myself
No state of joy, no rhymes and no more music
Yet I was in no mood for seeking help.

 

I was about to yield to any rival
To shut the door and quit without return
But I believed there could be a revival
While there's a light,
Until my candle's burnt.

 

No one on Earth could help me and incite me
No one could make me sing and ease my pain
But once the tune is rambling deep inside me
It’ll be so hard to try and silence me again.

 

And I couldn't give the words another meaning
My blood is cold and the wind is stern
I will again begin from the beginning
While there's a light,
Until my candle's burnt.

 

8. Высоцкий "Охота на волков".

In my flight, sinews bursting, I hurtle, But as yesterday - so now today,
They've cornered me! Driven me, encircled, Towards the huntsmen that wait for their prey!
From the fir-trees the rifle-shots quicken - In the shadows the huntsmen lie low.
As they fire, the wolves somersault, stricken, Living targets brought down on the snow.

 

They're hunting wolves! The hunt is on, pursuing
The wily predators, the she-wolf and her brood.
The beaters shout, the dogs bay, almost spewing.
The flags on the snow are red, as red as the blood.

 

In the fight heavy odds have opposed us, But the merciless huntsmen keep ranks.
With the flags on their ropes they've enclosed us. They take aim and they fire at point blank.
For a wolf cannot break with tradition. With milk sucked from the she-wolfs dugs
The blind cubs learn the stern prohibition Never, never to cross the red flags!

 

We are swift and our jaws are rapacious. Why then, chief, like a tribe that's oppressed,
Must we rush towards the weapons that face us And that precept be never transgressed?
For a wolf cannot change the old story The end looms and my time's almost done.
Now the huntsman who's made me his quarry Gives a smile as he raises his gun.

 

But revolt and the life-force are stronger Than the fear that the red flags instil
From behind come dismayed cries of anger As I cheat them, with joy, of their kill.
In my flight, sinews bursting I hurtle, But the outcome is different today!
I was cornered! They trapped me encircled! But the huntsmen were foiled of their prey!

 

9. Кино "Звезда по имени Солнце"

White of snow, gray of ice
Smoothing out cracks in the ground
As quilt-blanket over it lies;
Roads intertwined in the town

 

And above the town clouds pass by
Screening off the heaven's glow
Yellow smoke's hovering over town
Born two thousand years ago
Years lived under light of the star under the name Sun

 

And two thousand years a war
Without reasons has been endured
The war is for young people chore
Against wrinkles effective cure

 

Redder than red there is blood
In an hour it's just Earth and then
After two grass and flowers spring up
After three it is living again
And is warmed by the rays of the star under the name Sun

 

And we know how it always shakes out
That fate's favorite son is he
Who has different laws than the crowd
And to die young is his destiny

 

Not remembering word "no" or word "yes"
And not knowing any titles or names
To reach stars knows which to follow the way
If this were a dream, he'd never guess...
And to fall burned by rays of the star under the name Sun

 

10. Машина Времени "Однажды мир прогнётся под нас"

The sea of kids is rippling under shockwaves of sound.
I feel like I'm a blast from the past.
Their party treats at raves include the latest compounds,
They aren't like us in the least.
I wouldn't crash the playground of the hip boys and girls,
Some facts of life I do understand -
No sense in yielding to the hands of this shifting world,
Let the world yield under our hands.
Someday the world will yield to our hands.

 

A friend of mine was brave and brash, he charged straight ahead,
Each day was like his very last one.
He threw himself against the world in all that he did:
He shattered and the world went right on.
Forgotten idol, rest in peace, you had your reward -
You tasted glory making your stand.
No sense in yielding to the hands of this shifting world,
Let the world yield under our hands.
Someday the world will yield to our hands.

 

Another played it safe, remained a drone in a hive,
Lived only by the rule "when in Rome".
For years the currents carried him, and then he arrived:
No enemies, no friends and no home.
His life is bland like baby food: pureed tepid whorls.
How sad to spend one's years to no end.
No sense in yielding to the hands of this shifting world,
Let the world yield under our hands.
Someday the world will yield to our hands.

 

Who cares if the aging bass begins to sound weird,
Who cares if jeans are not the vogue brand,
No sense in yielding to the hands of this shifting world,
Let the world yield under our hands.
Someday the world will yield to our hands.

[KOTRPA 0]

AJUKA? Ты чего?
Мне понравилось. Я себе в копилочку наверное приложу. Для знакомых.
Если Matik не против.

[Matik 0]

Оставляя в стороне тонкости ритма (цель - не пение, но понимание) - мне кажется, что 1, 2, 7 и 10 хорошо передают смысл. Думаю положить себе на страницу вместе с небольшими mp3.

 

Основной мотив этой сборки - мне надоело, что русская музыка за рубежом сводится к классике, фолку и Тату.

[Dim 0]

Основной мотив этой сборки - на ваш наибеднейший язык хрена что переведёшь по-человечески. Это язык контрактов, а они "Пока горит свеча" туууужатся перевести.

[allyouneed 1]

QUOTE (Matik @ Feb 3 2004, 07:40) мне надоело, что русская музыка за рубежом сводится к классике, фолку и Тату.
Еще есть "Беренгов пролив".
Матик, очень интересно. Спасибо за подборку.

[Matik 0]

QUOTE (Dim @ Feb 3 2004, 03:24)Это язык контрактов, а они "Пока горит свеча" туууужатся перевести.
Когда для переводчика язык перевода не родной, он и пишет языком контрактов. С другой стороны,

Oh, pardon that in crowds awhile
I waste one thought I owe to thee,
And self-condemn'd, appear to smile,
Unfaithful to thy memory;
Nor deem that memory less dear,
That then I seem not to repine;
I would not fools should overhear
One sigh that should be wholly thine.

мне нравится больше, чем

Прости, порой среди чужих
Смеясь, беспечным я бываю
И в суете речей пустых
Тебя как-будто забываю
Но ты не верь моим словам
Тебе забвением грозящим
Я не хочу отдать глупцам
Ни даже вздох твой
Ни даже взгляд твой

Хотя в этом случае перевод совсем неплох (не знаю автора - неужели сам Нестеров переводил?).

 

Что меня удивило - это то, как неведомый поэт-металлист справился с фрагментом

Оглянись назад,
Там застыл закат,
Черно-красной застыл полосой.
Впереди туман,
Позади обман -
Что вы сделали с вашей мечтой?

Не самый простой размер для перевода.

[allyouneed 1]

QUOTE (Dim @ Feb 3 2004, 10:24) а они "Пока горит свеча" туууужатся перевести.
ИМХО, именно этот перевод самый удачный.

[allyouneed 1]

Теперь уже можно судить, какими качествами должен быть наделен переводчик, чтобы воссоздать идеальный текст шедевра иностранной литературы. Прежде всего он должен быть столь же талантлив, что и выбранный им автор, либо таланты их должны быть одной природы. В этом и только в этом смысле Бодлер и По или Жуковский и Шиллер идеально подходят друг другу. Во-вторых, переводчик должен прекрасно знать оба народа, оба языка, все детали авторского стиля и метода, происхождение слов и словообразование, исторические аллюзии. Здесь мы подходим к третьему важному свойству: наряду с одаренностью и образованностью он должен обладать способностью к мимикрии, действовать так, словно он и есть истинный автор, воспроизведя его манеру речи и поведения, нравы и мышление с максимальным правдоподобием.

Владимир Набоков. Искусство перевода.

[GDV 9775]

QUOTE (Matik @ Feb 3 2004, 07:40) мне надоело, что русская музыка за рубежом сводится к классике, фолку и Тату.
Не трож Тату. Побьют-с.

 

Матик, подборка очень хорошая, давно искал примеры удачных переводов. Спасибо.

[ajdar 1]

Жаль, уровень не/знания английского не позволяет оценить силу печатного слова:-)

[Katya 0]

перевод бывает или красивым, или верным

Перевод прежде всего должен быть адекватным в плане передачи смысла и ощущений.
То есть если у вас, читающего оригинал, дрожат колени, то у читающего переводной вариант тоже должны дрожать колени (с учетом, кстати, его заграничного менталитета), пусть даже произведение в процессе перевода приобрело совсем не похожий на оригинал вид (иногда 10 предложений переводятся одним, а иногда вообще не переводятся). Сравните, кстати, англоязычные и русскоязычные работы одной и той же книги у Набокова, с совершенстве владевшего и тем и другим языком, и найдите, что называется, 10 отличий. Английская "Лолита" и русская "Лолита" - две разные книги.

[allyouneed 1]

Лет’с плэй зе гейм! (What is our life? The game)
Загадка - перевод
Отгадка – оригинал.
Начнем с простого:

In this world there can be nothing better
Than traveling around with friends together
Those who're close in trouble have no fear!
Every road and every end is dear!
Every road and every end is deeee-ar!

[allyouneed 1]

Намбер ту:

Autumn, ships burn in the sky
Autumn, I would from here fly
Out there sadness drowns in the gray -
Autumn. Dark, distant way

[allyouneed 1]

Намбер три:

Instead of fire - there's only smoke.
Instead of warmth - cold.
Another day is crossed out on the calendar grid.
The red shining sun has completely burned out,
And this day goes out with it,
And over a glowing city, the shadow will fall

[Katya 0]

Олюнид, да нефиг делать!
1. Ничего на свете лучше не-е-ету (достаточно просто перевести первую строку)
2. "Осень" ДДТ
3. Кино "Перемен"
Вот тебе:

When hapless years will come
And bring the chaos and pain
An old man will come from the woods.
Through fog and rain
And when he steps out from the night
You'll see that he's not an old man
You'll see that he's handsome and young
.............................................'s his name

.........